Updated: Oct 5, 2020
In life, thing happen that help you cope with tragedy and heartbreak. Up until this day, I hadn't known this kind of loss. I knew my grandparents, but we didn't spend lots of time together. So, I didn't have that deep bond with them that most do. Life has a way of bringing someone in your life that you never forget. This QUEE!!. I will remember it for the rest of my life.
I have told very few people about this story. I thought people would think I was crazy. My ascension in spiritual awareness, I now understand that this was real and I share this story with you.
Through my own spiritual journey, I learned so much about myself and cleared my mind of guilt and shame of things that I thought I had forgotten. This is one of the things I had so much built up in me, I had to let it go to move on with my life. I worked with this young, beautiful Cassiopeia Cassandra Gray for years. I watched and helped her grow up right before my eyes. I was her breakthrough coach before I even knew that was my calling. I taught her so much, and she taught me just as much. She was like my baby sister and I grew to love and respect her on a level that not many people know.
She was born with juvenile diabetes. She struggled with it for years.
Hers was so bad that she had to have a personal pump to regulate her insulin.
I would rather die from swallowing broken glass than the damn diabetes --Cassie Gray
She had Medicaid during her pregnancy that paid for the pump, but after she had her daughter, they would not pay for it anymore. She struggled to pay out of pocket for the pump and would go through spells of going to the hospital. Anytime she didn’t show up for work, a set of her friends and I would check the hospital and her apartment to make sure she was ok. I didn't have a good feeling this time.
It was her 22nd birthday this day and we all hadn’t heard from her, nor had she shown up to work. We did the usual calling to the hospital, and it was my turn to go by her place to check on her. My husband and I went by. I knocked and knocked, and got no answer. We knew she had a date with a new friend and thought she had forgotten her work schedule. We all knew how sick she was, so she would always keep her job.
Later on that day, I get a phone call from our friend stating that her ex had come by to drop their daughter off and asking where she was. They both knocked on her door and got no answer. He peeped in her window and said with absolutely no emotion.”She’s in there on the floor.” He then took their daughter and left as if it was nothing.
My friend is screaming on the phone. She is getting someone to break in the door. Cassie was laying there half-dressed on the floor. I’m crying and getting dressed to go there as my friend is screaming her name. My husband takes me because I am in no shape to drive. All I can think about is that if I had looked in the window earlier that day, this might be different. That thought would consume me for years after I got help.
SHE WAS GONE. MY HEART AND SOUL WAS BROKEN
We all went to her funeral with such heaviness. I ended up on a row by myself. She was buried in her hometown in her old church. Her parents buried her in a pink coffin looking like a porcelain doll…..which was so not her!! It was killing me to see her buried in a tribute to who her parents saw her as...not as she was. I was about to lose my shit!!
She wasn’t quite goth, but she wore darker make-up that made her beautiful, green eyes sparkle. She was a warrior... a fucking QUEEN... not a doll. Her parents couldn’t even fathom who she truly was. The reverend kept mispronouncing her name, and this was not the funeral that represented Cassie at all. I felt such grief and guilt that I could barely breathe.
In the middle of the service, and the organ being played, I thought that I couldn’t handle things. I have always been a person that controls my emotions. This death hurt me so badly, I was about to breakdown, All of a sudden, I start hearing a guitar playing in my head. I start looking around the room. No one else was hearing it I’m assuming. Different rips keep playing, and I start laughing. I put my head in my hand not to laugh out loud. To everyone else, it looks like I am crying. I’m thinking I am going crazy….hearing this and laughing at my friend’s funeral.
I look up to the ceiling and I can see Cassie smiling with her head tilted as if she was telling me,” It’s ok. I’m ok” I felt better and could get myself together to go to her final resting place.
Cassie died on her 22nd birthday. That was probably one of the hardest days of my life. I have felt the guilt of her death for years. I had to work through that to realize that she was sick and I did the best I could to help her. The week before she died, she and I had a fantastic conversation that I will always cherish. She had grown up so much from the day I met her. She was my little warrior princess. I love you, Cassie. I miss you. You will always be in my heart and mind.
Working through my grief of this and many other things has lead me to my business of helping others. One of the things I will be an advocate for is juvenile diabetes research because of Cassie. I will do that to thank her for thinking of me after leaving here. She visits me still. I see her smile and I always feel better.
She would be so happy to see how much black I wear in my Little Witchy Life!